I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
