I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
