I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
