Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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