Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
