Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
