From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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