Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
