You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
