No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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