Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
