We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
