Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
