My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
