If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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