would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
