wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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