just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
