He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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