I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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