Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
