He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
