So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
