Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
