Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
this hospital has no fireball
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
