This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
