I am puke
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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