he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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