i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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