So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
