mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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