Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
