Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
