At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
