got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
