and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
