Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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