need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize