I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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