Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
