we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
