It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
