He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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