Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm like, not good at living.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
