'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize