I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
