I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
