I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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