Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
