You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
