Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk is not a location!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
