then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
