what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
