You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize