Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
