just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
