your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize