oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
