Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize