I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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