He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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