At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
porn star boner night. come get it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
