apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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