Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize