i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
