Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize