That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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