I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
