just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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