i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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