At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
