I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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