ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
