I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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