Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
